M – The Horror Writers

I’m going to try to make this a regular feature here, but that’s only if I can keep the demons at bay. The plan is to just kind of talk about some news in the horror community. I probably won’t just start making stuff up.

Ghostbusters
I know I’m a little late on this, but Paul Feig released a cast photo of the Ghostbusters reboot. Let me just take a look and…

HOLY SHIT! They nailed it. It’s perfect. Goddamn perfection right there. Look at the Ecto-1. It’s perfect and beautiful.
Look at Kate McKinnon. Mind-blowingly perfect.

She’s cartoon Egon and I love everything.

Pacific Rim 2
Rumor has it, this begins shooting in November. In preparation, I will be watching Pacific Rim every day until the sequel comes out. Maybe just the fight scenes. Maybe all of it. I’m a complicated person.

Krampus
Michael Dougherty made Trick R Treat and that movie kicks ass. So much ass. It’s filled with terrible people doing terrible things, but I love it all the same. His latest movie, Krampus, will be released on December 4th, and the poster is amazing.

It stars Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner and Allison Tolman, and it is already guaranteed to be on my “rewatch every Christmas” list.
It’s worth noting that The Mystic Party’s podcast with Krampus is one of the funniest things I have ever heard.

Dead 7
Nick Carter – Nick FUCKING Carter – is working on a script for Asylum, described as “zombie western futurific horror”, because he spilled his bowl of Alpha-Bits and that’s what the letters spelled. Joey Fatone and other people from N’Sync/Backstreet Boys/New Kids On the Block/One Direction/2gether may be joining the cast. Or maybe they won’t. I’m not a mind reader.
I assume Alpha-Bits are still a thing.

Sinister 2
Remember how Sinister was good? Besides about 5 minutes in the middle where kids were doing goddamn ballet in the house, and the very end where Bagul screamed “JUMP SCARE” at the screen, I mean. Well, I finally watched the trailer for Sinister 2 and can confidently say that it will be dogshit.

They took the best parts of the original and said, “You know what? Needs more Bagul jumping around and shit.”

The Green Inferno
Eli Roth’s cannibal movie finally got distribution. Now it’s gone. Now it’s back on. Now it’s gone again. Just call me when it shows up out of the blue. I’m too tired be tracking all of these movements.
On the plus side, season 3 of Hemlock Grove is coming next year.
Not really a plus side, I guess. That show is terrible.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown
The DVD for the remake finally got released. If you want the Blu Ray, you’ll have to go to Best Buy, as that’s the only place you can get it until September 8. My point is, buy this movie please.

Poltergeist
When the remake of Poltergeist comes out on DVD in September, one of the features will be an extended cut of the movie. If it’s anything other than 30 minutes of Sam Rockwell dancing with ghosts, I’m not interested.

That’ll do it for now. Stay scary.

My mother always said, “If you ain’t howlin’, you ain’t livin’.”

Did Lou Garou’s mother tell him the same thing? No way to know for sure. If I were to guess, I’d say “yes”.
“Howl, young man, HOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWL,” she’d say with fire in her eyes, and Lou would nod and take a swig of his father’s whiskey. No donuts, though. Not during mother’s lessons. Never during mother’s lessons.
Lou would howl. He’d howl until his howler was sore. “Why, mother?”
She’d turn on him and say, “To know you’re alive!”
And he’d feel alive. At first he was just faking. But, once the howling starts, you can’t help but feel alive. Howl, you crazy, drunken sumbitch. Howl.

The howling is real now. Lou is a worthless drunken cop who lost his father at a young age. He stumbles into work late and into the bar early. The howling was forgotten for a time, but it surfaces again. A late night and a bloody pentagram and there’s no room for a fake howl.

WOLFCOP drinks and shoots and eats donuts with abandon. He bangs hot bartenders against prison bars while the tape rolls. “AaaaaaaaaaaaWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” It’s slow and seen through a soft-focus lens. It is better than a somewhat similar scene in BloodRayne.
Werewolf prison sex > Vampire prison sex. I can now say that with absolute certainty.

WOLFCOP chops up a police car to make it his own, because WOLFCOP doesn’t give a shit about your rules. He cares only for justice, and for ripping faces off of men and throwing them on windshields. Their skeleton faces may keep coming and biting, but WOLFCOP will not be stopped until the evil is purged and the whiskey is gone.

WOLFCOP is Hobo With a Shotgun in wolf form. He loves hard and kills harder. He’s a cop without a mustache because his entire body is a mustache.
He’s WOLFCOP. You get in his way, you get dead.

Keep howling, Lou Garou.