After hearing so much about HorrorHound, I decided that I should probably see what all the fuss was about. Indianapolis is roughly a 3 hour drive from my house, so it was a bit of a commitment, but it was one I was willing to make.
I haven’t really had a chance to collect my thoughts into anything even approaching coherent, so I decided to make this post a kind of dumping ground of uncollected thoughts. I know you’re probably asking, “Well, if you can’t make your thoughts coherent, why post anything at all?” I would respond that I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.
1. I hung out with CC and Sophie from the Bloody Good Horror crew for a little bit. (Also, CC’s friend Andi.) They were amazing. I wanted to get my picture taken with them, but they all told me that their images wouldn’t show up on camera. They told me this in unison, then looked me directly in the eye until I put my phone back in my pocket. I reached up to touch my eye to find a small trickle of blood. But I’m sure it’s fine. It’s FINE.
I also briefly met Joe from BGH. He’s a tall gentleman with a firm handshake and would probably kill a man if he had to. I liked him.
2. I stopped at Bojangles on my way out of town. It was my first experience. Some people swear it’s better than Popeye’s. Those people are liars.
3. I walked into the main celebrity autograph room, heard a child screaming in delight and a man gruffly and loudly saying something I couldn’t understand. I looked towards the sound to see a man holding a kicking child while the child’s parents laughed. The man who was holding the child and speaking gruffly was Michael Rooker. I assume the child survived. I should probably not assume this. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer still haunts me.
4. Speaking of Michael Rooker, I saw the above monstrosity – what became of Rooker’s character in Slither – shuffling towards the celebrity room. I should have followed him to see how that interaction would go, but I didn’t. Whenever someone asks me if I have any regrets in my life, I will think about this moment and fall silent for a long time.
5. Not many Jokers showed up, so this guy really stood out. Less because he was The Joker and more because he looked like Garry Shandling in really thick make-up.
6. Tony Todd seems like a super nice guy. If I felt like spending money to have awkward conversations with celebrities, he would have been my first pick. Instead, I opted to stand across the room from his table and stare at him as he talked to people. Shockingly, I was not ushered out by security.
7. Every time I walked by Danielle Bisutti’s table, she was signing autographs and talking to people. She always looked incredibly, sincerely interested in what they were saying. I wanted to tell her how awesome I thought that was, but, again, I didn’t want to spend any money to tell her this. I toyed with the idea of writing a note and asking someone in her line to give it to her while I stood across the room giving her a thumb’s up, but I didn’t have a paper and pen with me.
8. I want to adopt Tom Atkins as my grandfather.
9. One of the celebrity rooms hosted a Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers reunion. There was a man dressed as Michael Myers standing outside the room all day. He always agreed to a photo-op, but he never said a word and I never saw him take a break. Pretty impressive commitment.
10. I was in a screening room before Yoga Hosers (more on that in a moment). Chris Sarandon popped in, talked about how we would be watching a music video starring himself and directed by his stepson, then promptly left. It was fine. Chris Sarandon is still handsome.
11. After that music video, they put on a short film called Born Again. I loved it. Think if the ending of Rosemary’s Baby wasn’t quite as well orchestrated by the Satanic Cult. It was a great concept and hilarious execution. I can’t wait to see it again.
12. I really wanted to catch a screening of something while I was there. I had pegged The Exorcist pilot, but I got in too late for that. So I went with Yoga Hosers. The trailer looked terrible, but I thought I would give it a shot. After all, Tusk didn’t look great and I enjoyed that movie pretty well.
I should have known what I was in for during the introduction. Robert Kurtzman stood in the front of the room and essentially told us that the movie was getting mixed reviews because some people don’t like to have fun. “It’s a Kevin Smith movie. They’re fun. Just have fun with it.” Someone yelled, “Kevin Smith is awesome,” and the crowd nodded in agreement. I sat in the back of the room, ready to make a quick escape if the room saw I wasn’t enjoying myself and decided to turn on me.
I lasted roughly 40 minutes. Here is what the bulk of the jokes involved:
– “Canadians say some words different than Americans.”
– “Teenagers sure like social media.”
– Women have periods.
There is also a scene in which it is strongly implied that a tiny Nazi sausage climbs inside a man’s anus and kills him. I’m no prude, but death by Nazi sausage rape is not something that makes me laugh. I know, I know. Call me crazy.
Maybe I’m just old, but none of it was funny. I thought about staying until the end, but I was tired and wanted to take one more pass of the floor before leaving, so I got up and left. By that point, I had a good enough feel for the humor to know that if I didn’t enjoy it so far, I wasn’t going to suddenly find it funny.
13. This made me laugh entirely too hard. They appear to be a couple of Michael Dougherty fans, with one more committed than the other.
Something to note: Sam’s sucker isn’t in its knife form. That must be pre-murder Sam. It was a simpler time for him.
14. I didn’t see Bruce Campbell, but I did see “Hall Of Heads Bruce Campbell,” and it will be sure to haunt my nightmares. Those little teeth, man. Those little teeth.
The Bruce Campbell mask was part of HorrorHound’s MaskFest: an entire room filled with masks. I spent a lot of time in that room.
15. Sad Slenderman. I can’t look at this picture without thinking about this:
16. I saw a young girl – 5 or 6, I would say – dressed like Taryn from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. She had little switchblade knife combs and everything. It was perfect.
17. There was a set of twin brothers: one was dressed as Ash from the Evil Dead franchise, the other was dressed as Ace Ventura. I had seen these guys at the Lexington Comic & Toy Convention earlier this year. Ace Ventura is always in character. It’s impressive and it also seems like it would be exhausting.
I saw all of those things and so much more. I had a blast. It was a different experience than ScareFest – instead of one big room, this was broken up into a few different rooms, which led to some great people watching in some of the main areas – but I loved it. The long drive will likely stop me from attending every year, but I can pretty much guarantee that my first visit won’t be my last.
Until next time, Mr. HorrorHound.
More shenanigans!
Transmissions from ScareFest 7