Maybe it’s the whiskey talking. Maybe it’s the new Devilment CD that I’m jamming to but either way the ideas for this list are flowing. I think that I have made my choices rather evident throughout the year so this will most likely not be a shock to anyone.
Please send any complaints to renfield@stickitupyour@$$.com
Best Horror Movies of 2014
10. The Quiet Ones – Meh. I’ve seen worse.
9. Possession of Michael King – Careful what you wish for, you may end up possessed.
8. See No Evil 2 – Fine, I’ll say it. This made my list because I have a thing for twins. Goth twins. Goth twins that direct horror movies…an
d Danielle Harris. Look, this movie just has hot ass all over it so it is making my list solely on the purpose of sucking up and buying points with these chicks.
7. Daniel – It is an independent flick that is less than three minutes long and still whips some ass.
6. Devil’s Due – Not all babies are a gift from God. After seeing this, I remembered that I have to make that appointment for a vasectomy.
5. Deliver Us From Evil – I loved it, the wife hated it. I didn’t get dinner that night and I slept on the couch.
4. Sacrament – NOT “The Sacrament” that was put out by “Ti Not-the-best in the West (or anywhere else)”, but rather the independent film
by
Shawn Ewert. This is the second to last film that Marilyn Burns made before her passing. Old school horror with a modern day moral – Extremism is a bad thing!
3. Annabelle – Well this movie just split horror lovers right down the middle didn’t it?
2. Jessabelle – Because I like Louisiana and actually a cup of gumbo sounds rather good right about now.
1. Babadook – I think this one scored so high with me because I really like saying the title. Babadook. Babadook. Dook, dook, dook!
Worst Horror Movies of 2014
10. The Sacrament – I think we all know my hate/hate affair that I have with Ti West.
9. Dracula Untold – And better off left that way.
8. I, Frankenstein – Me, pissed off about losing $6.50 on this turd.
7. Red Snow: Red vs. Dead – The only thing worse than Red Snow 2 is yellow snow. The only thing worse than yellow snow is Red Snow 1.
6. Leprechaun: Origins – What’s two feet tall, sucks and is green all over? This movie.
5. Ouija – S-U-C-K-S- Goodbye.
4. The ABC’s of Death – I know this was from last year, but it sucked so bad that it landed itself a place again on this year’s lists.
3. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones – “Hey, why don’t we market a horror movie to people who live in the barrio?”
2. The Purge: Anarchy – I have more use for a case of herpes than I do this movie.
1. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones – Stay further away from this movie than you would a meth dependent, paraplegic hooker with two different STDs…on her period.
Renfield Rasputin has a hard time finishing anything that he sta…