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Why I Love Saw

I am a self-proclaimed “Sawfreak”. Let me just start off by saying that. Of all the things that I love about horror movies—and of all the horror movies that I love—Saw is at the very top of that list.

My freshman year of college happened to be the year that the original Saw came out. I didn’t have much time for a social life that year—and of course this included trips to the movie theater. But I remember hearing other students talking about Saw after weekends, and even after Thanksgiving break. One coworker of mine at school told me he heard that some people were so jacked up after seeing this movie that they had to go see a psychiatrist. To this day I’m not sure if he made that up or not, but that was all anyone would tell me about the movie except that it was awesome and a great suspenseful horror movie.

So, of course, by the time I came home for the summer and it had come out on DVD, one of the first things I did after arriving at my parents’ house was hop in my beloved car and head straight to Blockbuster to the rent this movie. What I did not realize was that this one simple act at a video store I had been going to since I was a child, would set me on a path that would change my life.

When I got home and started watching that move (alone, no less, because everyone else had seen it), I was captivated from the very first second. You always hear people talking about how filmmakers need to build characters up and make us care about what happens to them so that we’re invested in their story. Well, somehow Saw manages to do that without really even doing it at all. Starting the movie with action—Adam waking up in that bathtub and discovering he’s locked and chained in a bathroom with another man—well, I immediately wanted to know what was going on and who was doing this to them. I was immediately invested in what happened to Adam and Lawrence.

By the end of the movie, I was in shock. Now, I say this with a lot of love, and as a huge horror fan: when I watch a horror movie, I generally only expect to be entertained; nothing more, nothing less. I certainly don’t expect to be kept in suspense, to care so much about the story and the characters, to never want it to end. But that was how I felt by the end of Saw. I remember being in my bedroom, alone, sitting there with my mouth hanging open for at least a couple of minutes after the movie was over, because of that unbelievable twist.

All this is to say that I was personally invested in the franchise since the beginning; before it was even a franchise. I am a firm believer that that great twist ending at the end is what made them movie so memorable that a second one was even able to be made. It becoming a staple of the franchise is one of the things I love most about the Saw movies. It was always a guarantee that each new installment would have an ending that would blow me away.

The Saw movies are the kind that drew the audience in, in a very unique way. Each one has a “where does your allegiance lie?” element. It was never just about the gore; there were emotional elements and ethical dilemmas in every one of the seven films. With every film—every single trap, even—there are moments when one could just as easily be on Jigsaw’s side as we could the latest trap victim’s side. It’s not hard to see why Jigsaw wanted to test the cop who abused his authority and got false convictions; or the rapist, or the child abuser and his wife who let him get away with him.

For this reason, the films made me (and many others think). “Are there certain people who really don’t deserve to live? What would I do if I were in a trap? What lengths would I be strong enough to go to survive?” In a genre that is not really known for being thought-provoking, the Saw movies were very unique in the ability to raise some deep points and making one think.

Jigsaw himself was perhaps the biggest reason why I am a “Sawfreak”, and why these films are my favorite in the horror genre.  As a horror movie villain, he is in a class of his own. He was not a joker with powers to do supernatural things and come back to life like Freddy, he was not a silent almost-zombie-like force like Michael or Jason; nor an inbred country killer or an actual zombie or a monster.

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Bryan Defends Escape From Tomorrow

Caution:spoilers ahead

So, about three months ago a blog I followed came out with an article about “the movie Disney doesn’t want you to see” and with a title like that, who wouldn’t be intrigued? Subsequently, I read everything I could find on this movie: how it was filmed illegally in Disneyland and Disney World, how director Randy Moore positioned his actors to be filmed without notice from any tourists around them and the resulting massive lawsuit Disney placed on it (which was dropped only earlier this year, allowing the movie to see light of day).  It’s a fascinating backstory, and I couldn’t be more excited to watch it.

The movie’s trailer made the whole thing look like an off-the-rails ,hallucinatory experience with horrifying visuals.  The little summary blurbs made it sound like a horror movie about a father losing his sanity in the “Happiest Place on Earth”, however,  the movie follows a  story arc that not only jumped around in narration, but in genre as well.  All of the  “scary” scenes were only disturbing to the characters and not the audience. This is a trait not shared by David Lynch films ,to which L.C. Fremont made reference. In a Lynch film, the characters are almost always in on the surrealism and more effectively so.  This movie doesn’t begin to live up to the hype, but I didn’t hate it, either. One of the most entertaining aspects was that it was filmed in such a familiar place.  I would watch it again if only to point out which scenes were Disneyland and which were Disney World.  It’s hard to say, “I’ve been there!” to a lot of horror films.  This especially worked for me during the “It’s a Small World” scene because I’m pretty sure that exact same thing happened to me last time I was on that ride. Yet, the movie didn’t scare me. It certainly could have, and probably should have, given the originality of the idea and the fact that it takes place in Disneyland, but, if you ignore the marketing of itself as a horror movie, it becomes something else entirely.

Now, I’m not middle-aged but I highly doubt the male midlife crisis is a horror story. Instead, it’s something ridiculous and quite possibly fake: another thing societal pressures have created in men to make them think they made a mistake getting married, taking that job, etc. just due to hindsight bias.  I’m well into the realm of cynicism, but what better place to have a movie about how phony society can be than Disneyland?

Our meathead main character ,Jim, going through this “crisis” , getting spit on by underage French girls for the sake of it  dies at the end, having ignored the advice of a robot . The robot is the only one making sense around here.  When we see him in a happier situation, he’s entering the hotel in a sort of Kubrickian “Shining” reference that this robot doctor had foreshadowed and tried to help him achieve: the life he always wanted to lead.   Yet man (Jim), in his hubris, escapes heroically only to fail.  If anything, Moore is telling us to just do it right the first time, though, it’s a lot of ridiculousness to wade through to get there.  The biggest problem with this movie is that there isn’t enough here to work with. Not enough to prove my argument, or much else, and what we’re left with is a movie that Disney decided wasn’t that threatening after all.  I was entertained, but I really don’t think repeated viewings are going to make any more sense of it. The best we can do is try to understand it, talk about what it might mean, but mainly, make a joke or two about cat flu and call it a day.

 

 

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Archives Book Reviews Posts

No Reflection

For starters, I don’t really read many horror short stories.  I find that most of them follow the same general formula: build up for a little bit, then drop the quasi-twist hammer.  It’s something that finds its roots in Tales From the CryptThe Twilight Zone, and O. Henry.  It doesn’t necessarily mean all horror fiction is bad, but it’s usually not my cup of tea.

Still, I dug into John Caliburn’s No Reflection, because I’m a sucker for short story collections.  As Fremont stated, it’s a decent first book.  It’s not without its problems, but there are some pretty good moments in here.

I liked “Delusional”, partially for a nod to Cthulhu, but mainly because it made me think of Vigo the Carpathian from Ghostbusters II.  I was waiting for the problem to be solved by curing a case of Carpathian Kitten Loss, but, alas, that was not how this story ended.  Still, it was a decent premise and a solid ending, even if Vigo never reared his ugly mug.

I also liked “Rustling Sheets”.  The idea of a carnivorous monster with razor-sharp claws taking up residence in the lower bunk is not something I would be okay with.  Unless he feels like sharing a little chipmunk meat in the middle of the night.  I could probably get down with that.  A man gets awfully hungry at night.

This was a pretty quick read, which helped.  But, as I mentioned earlier, it’s not without its problems.
Pretty much every story seemed to remind me of a similar story/movie.  Not that there’s really anything wrong with that (Koheleth famously stated “there is nothing new under the sun,” over 2000 years ago), but I didn’t feel like anything here separated itself from its influences.
It’s a bit strange to say about a book that barely cracked 100 pages, but these stories all could’ve been tightened up a little.  There’s nothing wrong with a two-page story if the story-telling is strong.  Some of these felt dragged out, which hurt the story as a whole (“Fear of the Shadows” definitely felt this way to me).
The writing could also be a bit stronger.  There were a lot of “or somethings” in here.  Too many of those tend to detract from the story.

All of that sounds like I hated this.  I did not hate this.  I didn’t love it, but it was enjoyable enough to keep me entertained.

This is a solid debut.  I’m curious to see what Caliburn does next.

No Reflection is currently available on Amazon.

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No Reflection & Other Short Stories

“No Reflection”, written by John Caliburn is a solid first entry into the horror genre. His first published collection, No Reflection has seven short stories and wraps up with a short poem. At the end of each story, the author has added a short explanation of his motivation behind the story. At times, the explanation was a disservice:”A Child’s Imagination” being the best example of this. This story is very reminiscent of “Where The Wild Things Are”, which is nice in a nostalgic kind of way. The plot was going somewhere interesting and then it ended in a very maudlin, unsatisfying kind of way. This being a horror collection, I suppose I shouldn’t be expecting a happy ending, but I would have liked to see Caliburn really delve into his inspiration for this story. He said that he wanted to explore the awful reality that children are, sometimes, the ones that commit murder. I couldn’t help but think of the film “Who Can Kill A Child?” and I really believe Caliburn is more than capable of reaching that level of terror, so, I felt a bit underwhelmed with the ending of “A Child’s Imagination”.

In the story “Delusional”, Caliburn uses H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos as a background device. I found this to be particularly interesting, but my partner Dusty will be the one going into detail about this particular story.

As a woman, I simply cannot let “The Magician’s Assistant” escape my critical eye. It’s a great little story with a wonderfully gory coupe de grace, but the degree to which the female protaganist is reduced to negative, female cliches was too much to ignore. She see’s herself as a “Plain Jane Brunette”, her self esteem seems to be in direct proportion to how her fiancee sees her, she’s paranoid, jealous and, worst of all, a typical “woman scorned”. Instead of simply asking her fiancee if he’s stepping out on her, she just smiles, keeps her mouth shut and, ultimately, let’s her insecurities and neurosis unfold in a homicidal rage. Typical woman, right? Even though it’s a short story, I still expect to see a woman who is a whole human being and not just a negative stereotype. Perhaps I’m being a bit too touchy, but it really took away from what was a nice “Tale From The Crypt” kind of ending.

Overall, this collection of stories shows great promise of future endeavors. The themes that Caliburn was exploring are ones that all of us can relate to;the inability to foresee your poor choices and the consequences that they incur, the responsibility that children believe they carry in their parents’ happiness, the monster in our room that no one else can see, fear of the dark and the inability to escape our punishments for our bad deeds. I enjoyed these stories, however, I wish there had been a bit more depth and character development. That being said, I look forward to Caliburn’s future works.

http://www.amazon.com/Reflection-other-Horror-Stories-ebook/dp/B00FUVIVWS/

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Renfield’s Top 10 Worst Halloween Decorations (Epic Fails)

Good Mourning graveyard ghoulies and crematorium cretins,

The witching season is upon us and to celebrate, if you are anything like me you will decorate your crypt from top to bottom in orange, black, smiling jack-o-lanterns, black cats, crazed witches, and other spookshow-a-rama goodness that will give thrills, chills, and make you jump with fright. I have looked around and noticed that lately the Halloween decorations are just not the same as they used to be. They are worse. Much worse.

I decided to list my top 10 epic failures for Halloween decorations.  Either click the links or cut and paste the links for direct viewing of each piece of crap that was shat out of Hell!

Brace yourself for a sea of sorrow.

10. Gemmy 13.4-in Lighted Musical Animatronic Tabletop Assorted Ravers

http://www.lowes.com/pd_348634-80668-90944_4294701436__?productId=50040708&Ns=p_product_qty_sales_dollar|1&pl=1&currentURL=%3FNs%3Dp_product_qty_sales_dollar%7C1&facetInfo=

What the hell is this nonsense and who is the escaped lunatic that thought it was a good idea? If we don’t buy the dancing Santa’s we aren’t going to buy this crap either. I think the “scary” attribute to this is the fact that it dances to a One Direction song.  “Plays a cool song” my ass!

 

9. Light up yard owl.

 http://www.kmart.com/totally-ghoul-acrylic-lighted-owl-halloween-decoration/p-009W006091752001P?prdNo=36&blockNo=36&blockType=G36

Is it just me or does this pile of shit have its head on upside down?  Maybe they had their head up their ass when they designed it so it looked right side up. “WHHOOOO’s scary?” Not this crap.

 

 

8.   Celebrate It! Halloween Pet Costumes

http://weeklyad.michaels.com/stores/9444/departments/60?promotionCode=Michaels-130915

This item is a sure bet to end up on the clearance shelf during Thanksgiving.  Just what every poodle owner has dreamed their pet to be for Halloween.  Glenn Danzig of Misfit era, and a purple some shit. No really, what the fuck is that thing?

 

7.   Boots and Broom Yardstakes

 http://www.biglots.com/p/c/haunt-your-house/boots-and-broom-yardstakes

Ding Ding! All aboard the shit train! Next stop…this piece of crap! The witch crashed, yeah, yeah, yeah, never seen that before. To top it all off she then got a broomstick impaled up her ass. Who thought this shit up, John Hathorne? Dumb.

 

6. Skull Disco Ball

http://www.halloweeneffects.us/Skull_Disco_Ball_p/36298.htm

They say disco killed rock and roll. I can see why. Real dumb.

 

5. Toxic Sewage Toilet Seat Grabber

http://www.partycity.com/product/toxic+sewage+toilet+seat+grabber.do?navSet=170552

Because the next time someone asks you “What crawled up your ass?” you can show them this picture of what looks like a porta-potty at the last Lollapalooza. Rats, spiders, and flies swimming in green piss! Well I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go!

 

4. Lawn Skeleton Decoration

http://www.partycity.com/product/lawn+skeleton+lawn+decoration+12pc.do?navSet=170566

I have seen every episode of the Walking Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Return of the Dead and all its sequels, Dawn AND Day of the Dead, etc…and I have never seen a corpse rise from the grave in the missionary position.

 

3. Crashing Witch – Betty Bash

http://www.biglots.com/p/c/haunt-your-house/crashing-witch-betty-bash

For the love of Christ, please stop with this old gag. It wasn’t funny 20 years ago and it still isn’t now. I’ve heard of tree huggers, but this bitch takes tree love a little too far with tree humping. “Guaranteed to bring a laugh to all who sees it”. Here’s a heads up, they are not laughing with you!

 

2. 14” Halloween Hollow Tree

http://www.walmart.com/ip/14-Halloween-Hollow-Tree/21311975

You know I had to attack Wally World at some point (just wait, the stupidity gets even worse). Remember that I found this in the OUTDOOR section. What the hell is up with a 14” OUTDOOR tree decoration? Did we learn anything from This Is Spinal Tap and the 18” Stonehenge? Now if you can find a little person to dress like Pumpkin Head and dance around it, you’re set.

 

1. Life-Size Rockin Chair Santa Boxed Halloween Prop

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Life-Size-Rockin-Chair-Santa-Boxed-Halloween-Prop/26983165

I don’t think I even need to comment on this one.

 

There you are folks, my picks for the top 10 epic failures of Halloween decorations. Well, they can’t all be zingers.

If you liked my list, thank you and I am Renfield Rasputin. If you didn’t, or you own some of this crap, my name is Oliver Closeoff and you can write any and all hate mail to www.renfielddoesntcare.com.

Until next time, rest in pieces.

Renfield Rasputin hot rods hearses and in his spare time gives twerking lessons at LSU. (At least until campus security finds out).